Annie Dillard insight

Annie Dillard thoughts :

… the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.

She read books as one would breathe air, to fill up and live.

You can’t test courage cautiously, so I ran hard and waved my arms hard, happy.

Beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will or sense them. The least we can do is try to be there.

A big elm in a single season might make as many as six million leaves, wholly intricate, without budging an inch; I couldn’t make one. A tree stands there, accumulating deadwood, mute and rigid as an obelisk, but secretly it seethes, it splits, sucks and stretches; it heaves up tons and hurls them out in a green, fringed fling. No person taps this free power; the dynamo in the tulip tree pumps out even more tulip tree, and it runs on rain and air.

I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wondering awed about on a splintered wreck I’ve come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty bats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them..

hesitation

I have two choices: I can look back like Lot’s wife or I can look forward to God’s perfect plan. I can choose today to live my life going forward…Don’t wait ‘until’ to do the things you are passionate about. Live doesn’t just have to happen to us, we can happen to life. Today is the best day to live our dreams. – Amanda Trent

Money used wisely

I have been thinking about my 33rd birthday in September. Usually I like to dress up,go out for dinner and tgen do something low key. There is s gorgeous new restaurant that opened up and I just bought a lovely new dress and I thought of partying it up.

But then some part of me said “whoa,wait a second” and I got to think about the ways dpending this money or celebrating could be helpful to someone else. Kind of like what Niki has done in the past with the art and desert benefit going towards different charities she supports.

And on Aaron’s blog, he and Emily were discussing kingdom investments and how there are things that you can use to provide for yourself-but what if you believed God did big things and you asked him to provide as you choose to use your money for kingdom purposes.
I’m not saying its like a trade off, but God does also bless those who give to Him what is already His. His blessing is not perhaps a favouring but rather an acknowledgement of the true sacrifice of the individual. At least that is my understanding at the momemt.

Last night was …

Aside

Last night was week 3 of our study on Lies Women Believe. We looked at lies we believe about ourselves. It was interesting, because just yesterday I wrote my letter to my body, and in it I was working through some personal issues.

And one of the lies we looked at was ‘you have to love yourself’. in some sense, I get that…when people are saying ‘well when i love myself i’ll do this…’ or ‘its okay that i treat myself this way, i don’t love myself’…it seems like an excuse. and I wonder if i”ll ever get away from that. When I have broken up in relationships in the past (and most recently) my mom always says to me, ‘take a year to heal, to find who you are again’ and I understand what she is saying, but I also struggle. Because if i’m forever searching for myself through my own means, it will probably be a never ending journey.

We were advised to love God and we will love others because of Him and through that learn to love who He’s made us to be? (Something like that) Because if we are always focused on trying to learn to love ourselves, we will always be looking inward and miss all the awesome moments that we can be a part of and love to be a part of and love that we were able to miister in that area, and perhaps that will give us some eyes into who we were crafted to be.

I always struggle with my purpose. The end purpose of man is to glorify GOd… i hear and yet all my selfish being cries out that I want more. and yet what will that more get me? I can’t see a way of surviving on merey glorifying God, although maybe I don’t have any idea of what that can look like. Perhaps in whatever task i’m involved in, the conversations that I have as well as the actions that I do, those things can be done for the glory of God.

 

a love letter to my body

over at SheLoves Magazine (www.shelovesmagazine.com) there is a syncroblog where each woman is writing about the same topic, a love letter to their body.

interestingly, while there have been those who have shared their journeys very vividly there have also been those who have been willing to say i’m not at that place, and ì`m going to try to change that, but I just can`t bring myself to do it yet. I found that fascinating as well.

I will attempt it here, and whether it sees the light of day or not…time will tell.

Body-

In the last couple of years I have talked less about you then previously. Perhaps because with every word spoken in the past my distaste for you was right out there, much to the chagrin of those around you. I used to berate how you looked, a nose too big, breasts too small, legs too long, always looking at the negative and not being able to even it out with compliments or positive comments.

you have kept my person together, when the brain within you sometimes wanted to just break down and cry, and sleep through the nightmares. You surrounded me when my heart threatened to break, and yet you kept me breathing, with blood pumping through my viens.

I am much more comfortable with you now, then I was as a young person or a teen. I didn`t have a certain picture of some ONE i don`t think to which I compared you, but rather idea of the you I wanted to have. The you I had seemed to be me settling for less…and longing for what others had. At the angsty age of being a teen, being acknowledged and worth something is of the utmost importance. looking around at girls blossoming into womanhood faster or earlier than I seemed that you were somehow defunct, delayed, behind and I felt you had betrayed me.

our interaction with members of the opposite sex had me scrutinizing you to the most impossible standards. Thinking that if I was `more`of something that I seemingly `wasn`t in my eyes, then perhaps they would be attracted to you and through you,me.

It is only recently that I realizd how thoroughly I had rejected your femininity and the aspects of you that made me unique.  I am sorry, for rejecting your very essence. of taking for granted the way you have been formed and shaped just for me. I am striving to embrace the femininity that you were forbidden to in the past. To embrace moments where we are comfortable together, me with my skin holding me together an you finally being acknowledged for all that you do and are.

I have been told (like so many who have posted) that by rejecting you I have rejected what the Creator has so made of me, the unique, one of a kind, daughter and loved by a King. and yet I`ve settled for so much less.

I hope to continue to get to know you better, to look deeper then what society and media tell me you should reflect an instead get to know your special abilities, talents and calling.

How Great HE is

Wow. Lisa-jo,your words always strike a chord of resonance with me. Not only did your beautiful.pictures calm my heart but your words seemed to wash over me like an ebb and tide. There is something about being a olace removed from the business of daily life that always seems to soothe the spirit. However any time spent by the water for me is pure communion with my God. There is just something about sitting in awe of tge creation,listening to its subtle roar that inspires my heart to want more of Him. Thank you for sharing dear sis in Christ! – wrote in response to lisa-jo bakers blog
http://lisajobaker.com/2012/07/when-think-leave-home-make-difference/