over at SheLoves Magazine (www.shelovesmagazine.com) there is a syncroblog where each woman is writing about the same topic, a love letter to their body.
interestingly, while there have been those who have shared their journeys very vividly there have also been those who have been willing to say i’m not at that place, and ì`m going to try to change that, but I just can`t bring myself to do it yet. I found that fascinating as well.
I will attempt it here, and whether it sees the light of day or not…time will tell.
In the last couple of years I have talked less about you then previously. Perhaps because with every word spoken in the past my distaste for you was right out there, much to the chagrin of those around you. I used to berate how you looked, a nose too big, breasts too small, legs too long, always looking at the negative and not being able to even it out with compliments or positive comments.
you have kept my person together, when the brain within you sometimes wanted to just break down and cry, and sleep through the nightmares. You surrounded me when my heart threatened to break, and yet you kept me breathing, with blood pumping through my viens.
I am much more comfortable with you now, then I was as a young person or a teen. I didn`t have a certain picture of some ONE i don`t think to which I compared you, but rather idea of the you I wanted to have. The you I had seemed to be me settling for less…and longing for what others had. At the angsty age of being a teen, being acknowledged and worth something is of the utmost importance. looking around at girls blossoming into womanhood faster or earlier than I seemed that you were somehow defunct, delayed, behind and I felt you had betrayed me.
our interaction with members of the opposite sex had me scrutinizing you to the most impossible standards. Thinking that if I was `more`of something that I seemingly `wasn`t in my eyes, then perhaps they would be attracted to you and through you,me.
It is only recently that I realizd how thoroughly I had rejected your femininity and the aspects of you that made me unique. I am sorry, for rejecting your very essence. of taking for granted the way you have been formed and shaped just for me. I am striving to embrace the femininity that you were forbidden to in the past. To embrace moments where we are comfortable together, me with my skin holding me together an you finally being acknowledged for all that you do and are.
I have been told (like so many who have posted) that by rejecting you I have rejected what the Creator has so made of me, the unique, one of a kind, daughter and loved by a King. and yet I`ve settled for so much less.
I hope to continue to get to know you better, to look deeper then what society and media tell me you should reflect an instead get to know your special abilities, talents and calling.