Fragmented memories

Why do you keep resonating in my subconcious?
On Sept 1st it would have been our one year anniversary of dating. Our one year of meeting already passed.
I wonder of August will always remain more bitter than sweet to me.
Like the other memories that lay shattered in faded memories past that revive themselves only to tear at my heart and mind.
I wish i could go back and say I’m sorry and know u heard,undetstood amd one day might forgive.
And those are the shackles that sometimes keep me bound…the thought that i’ve brokem hearts amd thats unforgiveable. I’ll never know if i’m forgiven or forgotten cause i walk away without a backward glance…

You think i’m cold and you don’t know that inside i’m shattered to.pieces.

Stretch FMF


Speaking of stretched I headed into a couple of weekends ago terrified. I was going to work for a friend who was catering a wedding and I didn’t want to let her down. I actually started to feel my stomach turning into knots…but we have worked together before and she knows my work ethic. I accepted her offer to have me help as a challenge. Something that I could fight to excel at,stretching me out of my comfort zone.

Instead what should have been stretched were my actual physical muscles…because man did they hurt when I headed home that night. I am not what you would call ‘in shape’ by any stretch of the imagination so…to actively carry a tray of hors d’ouvres around on one hand for an hour and a half started to work those muscles.

I was so busy runnung to get things,chatting with people and making sure that things were lovely for others tgat tge pain in my arms and back just barely registered.


Turning green doesn’t become me

Ok. I admit it. I’m jealous. Not that she has a boyfriend. I don’t begrudge her that. I mean how many relationships has she seen me muddle my way through and she deserves hapiness. I don’t like her not being around much but i see her trying to make the best of a long distance relationship…but i’m still sad. And i’m allowed to have feelings just not let tgem change my life course so much. I am glad she’s found this happiness. My jealousy is creating a hard-heartedness in me that i need to re-examine and work.through so realoty wins and bitterness doesn’t fix itself somewhere else in my heart

terrified by freedom

Surrender is the only way to freedom, but it can be terrifying.

I had splashed in the shallows of God, had felt the refreshing spray of the ocean caress my ankles, but I’d never made it out to the depths.I could hear the deep water calling to me, inviting me to a life of adventure and joy, and I longed for it to envelop me completely. It was only steps in front of me, and yet there I stood, frozen in fear. I longed for the beauty and power of the waves and surf, but I was terrified of that unknown force that offers no guarantee of ease for those who choose to embrace the waves.

~Van Norman, Kasey. Named by God. Tyndale House Publishers. Kindle Edition.

collection of ordinary moments

“Well, that’s what life is — this collection of extraordinarily ordinary moments…

We just need to pay attention to them all. Wake up and pay attention to how beautiful it all is…If you were falling in love and you could go back in time and relive a day and see the banal things you did that you’d forgotten about, you’d weep, looking at that day. Somewhat dramatic things happen, and you don’t even always notice them — that’s what life is.

Those moments, unless you write them down or photograph them, drift off and away. They just go by.”

–  Alexander Payne, ExtraOrdinary Moments

seeking originality is a mirage

There are many reasons why it’s hard to find your creative voice – exhaustion, lack of time and self-doubt for starters – but the reason I want to dismiss today, once and for all, is the desire to be original.

Dear creative heart, please hear me: Original is a mirage. It’s a boondoggle, a red herring, a lie. It’s one of the critic’s insidious ways to turn you to stone. The critic hisses, “But your work looks just like _______. Why can’t you be more original? Maybe this creative thing is just not for you.

Instead, consider what author C.S. Lewis’ said, “Even in literature and art, no man [sic] who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.

Our creative voice takes shape each time you trust and express your truth in your work. Each time you move toward what feels true, grounded, real, honest for you in the moment of creating.

That’s your job as a creative. Express truth.

You already know how to do this; it’s why you choose one angle over another or dinker with a phrase until it “feels” right.

First and foremost, be an artist of self-compassion. The reason why so many people are afraid to create is they know how hard it is. You will spend a lot of time being frustrated. Don’t add beating yourself up. If you do, you will lose the connection to your voice.

Get used to living in the “gap” between what you want to create and what actually comes out. This gap is where artists live. Learn to love it.

Swap True for original, Jen Louden