heavy hearted

Yesterday I found out that someone I work with is pregnant.

Normally, that would be cause for excitement. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

She is 19. She has a boyfriend. He seems like he wants to help her with this. originally he got angry because she was pregnant. Her dad is furious that she’s pregnant. Her mom wants her to keep it. some of her relatives want her to abort it.

When she told me it  with some trepidation. I didn’t know how to respond. I told her it was up to her to choose what to do. She said she was too young to take care of a baby, and I said I think that is a mature response.

However, she has some social and processing challenges. That is why i’m concerned. For a  teenager to get pregnant and figure out what to do about it, is quite a challenge. But when you don’t process things in the same manner as other people (and there isn’t anything wrong with that) I’m concerned about whether she will be able to make a choice herself about what happens. 

I do know that sometimes there are social workers involved. I’m not sure how or when that happens. She was placed in her job with us by a work agency, who found out about the same time as we did that she’s pregnant. Her doctor has advised that she not do any heavy lifting or working around chemicals…which pretty much means she can’t do her job with us. Her case worker was supposed to show up today, and he wasn’t there. Not sure how that will all pan out.

My heart is heavy. Someone at work today said ‘Don’t they teach safe sex and birth control anymore. She definitely shouldn’t be pregnant’ and I didn’t say anything because i couldn’t believe something like that would come out of an educated person’s mouth. First, safe sex isn’t a 100% guarantee as numerous teen pregnancies would attest. And second, if she is implying that individuals with social and processing challenges shouldn’t have children, I understand the thought, but I don’t believe we can dictate who and who doesn’t not have children. Perhaps this comes from a knowledge that Children’s Aid will be involved, whether people want them to be or not…and if they are not suitable they will be taken away from their parents. It happens to people who don’t have those particular challenges all the time. But don’t get me started on Children’s Aid..that’s another bone to pick later.

My heart is just so turned upside down. People were talking about it all yesterday at work and all today. She was telling everyone yesterday so I guess that’s expected, but it has been my experience that nothing nice or uplifting will come from these comments or conversations. I guess its my protective instinct coming out. And i’m learning about boundaries, and I know that i can’t protect her…but sometimes I just wish that people would have a lot more grace (but that’s expecting them to live Christ-like, which won’t happen if they don’t have his grace in their life).

The fact that abortion is on the table makes me ill. I know that its a solution that many have done, Christian or non-Christian. I hate that its an option. My brother told me once that he knew of several girls in his class in high-school that had gotten abortions and that hurt my heart. I have read fiction books involving abortions, and while there is a tremendous amount of research put into them, they do share the Christian perspective I guess. SO perhaps that is all that I know. But I wonder about what lingers in your body, in your soul, after a brutal procedure like that. I can imagine that your body is never quite the same, and I wonder if it becomes a blocked memory in many minds because its so awful. 

so all of that to say, so many choices that lay ahead for her, and while I’m glad that she knows she’s too young to be responsible for a child, I hope that she is able to make her own wise choices, and that I will be able to support her no matter the outcome.

1 thought on “heavy hearted

  1. Wow. I can feel the heaviness of your heart in this, and I’m so sorry. You have a compassionate, empathetic heart that leans with grace and I can ‘see’ Christ here, in you, fleshing out his heart to this coworker that you care for. I pray for her, that she will have the grace and ability to process this in a healthy way. That life – hers and the baby’s – will be affirmed here. That God will make a way here, where there seems to be no way. That you will have the wisdom to know how to walk with her, in your conversations, in your prayers, in the way you support her. That she will come to know that she is held. Peace to you, friend.

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