its only been in the past several years that I have learned to take some time for me. Since i am a very odd combination of extrovert and introvert it requires alot of self regulation to make sure that I can handle life. I love people and in most cases love to interact with them, but if I’m around people all day with no break from them…I quickly become emotionally exhausted and can feel myself pulling inwards in an attempt to create a quiet space to hide and refresh.
i have always required more sleep than others and i’m not sure if its because I am anemic and don’t often keep on top of my iron content, I’m depressed and just really love my bed or i find it a way to escape when i feel overwhelmed. I am not sure which one of these three it is, but its something that bears pondering.
this week I had three eight hour shifts in a row. On Tuesdays and Wednesday’s I also have two separate bible studies that I attend. The Tuesday night group is full of beautiful ladies who have become dear heart friends to me. It is exhausting for me to be in the midst of a group of people, even if i love them, i am willing to surrender to that group and share my heart. My Wednesday group is one that i continue to have up and down relationship with. I know that sometimes you are put in a group of people to help perhaps make me think about things or realize how incredibly different people are from me. sometimes though i internalize so much that my heart just gets stuck on the discord and i’m not sure that i’m feeling up to wading through that these days.
tonight i chose to bypass small group 2. next week i will again, because i’ll hopefully be sleeping because i am going to be leaving at 4am in the morning for the Detroit airport and get to Omaha a day early for Jumping Tandem: The Retreat. i decided to make a long day of it. i was going to do it on monday but decided i’d have learned so much and been so exhausted by everything that it would be better to head home. so i’m excited to see what i might end up doing in Omaha.
this morning when i woke up, i felt exhausted and near tears. that is usually a sign to me that I need to tread carefully and be very cogniscent of where i’m at physically, mentally and emotionally. sometimes this is a difficult road to travel or a difficult series of events to try to figure out. I’m glad though that God has given me the wisdom to see these things beginning and to know what I need to do to remedy the situation.
sometimes i find myself committing to things to help someone else out…but then i realize that i’m getting in way over my head. its difficult for me to tell the truth and say i’m sorry but i don’t think it would be wise for me to do that. I’m still learning boundaries and what i can do to respect who i have been crafted by God to be and what he has called me to do. I don’t have to do everything that comes my way. I don’t have to be anyone other than who he’s called me to be. those are hard things to learn.