When I go on trips, I’m the kind of traveler that likes to have a couple things planned and a lot of time available to fly by the seat of my pants. I enjoy travelling with my mom like this, because often the same small signs catch our eyes and we’re off on an adventure. One year we went up some of the west coast of Ontario, staying at bed and breakfasts and seeing interesting things along the way. The only plans were had were where we would lay our heads that evening, otherwise the world was ours. It was a fabulous trip, and we certainly came across moments that we never expected when we started out on the journey.
It always fascinates me, looking back upon the life that God has led me through thus far, how you can plan what you’d like it to look like, mark your map up, think you’ve got the destinations set in stone, and then realize that some of that was just to get you on your way. While life is never a point a to point b kind of thing, it definitely looks more like a heartbeat written in ink on paper, then the smooth sailing we’d often so much prefer.
and its the people for me, the people along the way, that make the path one worth walking. There is heartbreak. There is disagreement and misunderstanding. There is also such hope, love, truth and humility. And those things feed and grow my soul.
When I was young, I attended a group called Pioneer Girls and our verse was ‘Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my feet.’ I remember singing that song over and over again. And I’ve learned over the years, that while i would much prefer to see a wider expanse of the journey that lies before me, that He is wise enough to give me just enough for the next moment.
and even though i have access to the light and lamp, sometimes my feet are so fearful to take that next step on the road that lies ahead, knowing that He is trustworthy, but having a hard time making that transition from head to heart knowledge. And the next step, while not always safe…is definitely worth it, even though my eyes may be blind to it at the time.
who knows what might be around the next bend…its always a surprise. Looking back there are moments that happened, that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Clearly those are the ones that i’m still working through and working out healing in. But i see how they have formed me, shaped me and allowed me to have the testimony I hold to be MY story today. There are also moments that are impossible to truly express, because the joy has been greater than my vocabulary can attest to.
sometimes it has been a lonely journey. In the past, I became really good at thinking that John Donne had gotten it wrong when he declared “No man is an Island, entire of itself…” Not letting people get to close and learning to love and then leave growing up had me building a wall I thought might save me. It was instead a hinderance to my growth and the path that lay ahead.
He has been working on that wall in me. Every bend of this walk with Him, leads me to another nugget of truth, which is melting itself into my heart, taking the hard places and making them soft again. Ever moment I take the next step, with the light that I’ve been given, He adds to the epistle that will end up being the story of my life.