Joining up with Lisa-Jo over at her place for Five Minute Friday…where we lay aside our perfectionist tendencies and write for five minutes…whatever comes to mind with no editing. A really stretching exercise, and fascinating responses from the many who write.
A lot of topics in the past couple of weeks that I’ve wanted to drag my heals more than I’ve wanted to look at what comes when i write for five minutes on them. Words that go so deep into heart place, places that i’d rather not investigate. And yet, week after week i do write, but I know that it needs to be done, that I’ll learn something (probably in my sub-conscious) and I’ll face something that needed to be faced. After all my OneWord this year is BRAVE.
When i was a teen I was often on the outside of things. Sometimes because I just didn’t feel comfortable being part of the group and other times because I didn’t really know the social rules that kind of were how other people operated. I often felt like an outsider when people were making big plans and then someone would ask me ‘oh are you going?’ and I’d say ‘well i didn’t know i was invited’ and they’d reply ‘oh, everyone is invited’. And then I’d try to figure out whether I was actually wanted or it was a just a one invitation covers all so that hopefully just the people we like will come.
And growing up I longed for close friends. I moved several times and became good at maintaining friendships for a couple years and then moving on to someone else. And while i did that because it seemed to hurt less, I also ended up with less people than I could count on. So in the past decade or so, having the friends that I do find myself with is a special blessing because I have had to learn how to be a friend and how to help friendship along, and what that give and take looks like.
There was definitely a loneliness in my heart for a good friend. And right now there are a couple people who I would call good, close friends. And i’m blessed to call them mine. But I also know that time’s change and journey’s change, and sometimes they are simply part of our journey for a season. And i’m having a hard time with that right now, because one friend that I dearly love is coming into a time of several life changes and it will become a time of change for us as friends…and I’m dreading it. Mostly because I don’t want to give up this friendship I’ve found with her. But i know its part of life and my shrink so wisely said t me yesterday ‘just think of the new friendships you’ll make along the way of this journey’…which is a heartening thought.