FMF – Lonely

Joining up with Lisa-Jo over at her place for Five Minute Friday…where we lay aside our perfectionist tendencies and write for five minutes…whatever comes to mind with no editing. A really stretching exercise, and fascinating responses from the many who write.

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Prompt: Lonely

GO

A lot of topics in the past couple of weeks that I’ve wanted to drag my heals more than I’ve wanted to look at what comes when i write for five minutes on them. Words that go so deep into heart place, places that i’d rather not investigate. And yet, week after week i do write, but I know that it needs to be done, that I’ll learn something (probably in my sub-conscious) and I’ll face something that needed to be faced. After all my OneWord this year is BRAVE.

When i was a teen I was often on the outside of things. Sometimes because I just didn’t feel comfortable being part of the group and other times because I didn’t really know the social rules that kind of were how other people operated. I often felt like an outsider when people were making big plans and then someone would ask me ‘oh are you going?’ and I’d say ‘well i didn’t know i was invited’ and they’d reply ‘oh, everyone is invited’. And then I’d try to figure out whether I was actually wanted or it was a just a one invitation covers all so that hopefully just the people we like will come.

And growing up I longed for close friends. I moved several times and became good at maintaining friendships for a couple years and then moving on to someone else. And while i did that because it seemed to hurt less, I also ended up with less people than I could count on. So in the past decade or so, having the friends that I do find myself with is a special blessing because I have had to learn how to be a friend and how to help friendship along, and what that give and take looks like.

There was definitely a loneliness in my heart for a good friend. And right now there are a couple people who I would call good, close friends. And i’m blessed to call them mine. But I also know that time’s change and journey’s change, and sometimes they are simply part of our journey for a season. And i’m having a hard time with that right now, because one friend that I dearly love is coming into a time of several life changes and it will become a time of change for us as friends…and I’m dreading it. Mostly because I don’t want to give up this friendship I’ve found with her. But i know its part of life and my shrink so wisely said t me yesterday ‘just think of the new friendships you’ll make along the way of this journey’…which is a heartening thought.

END

Five Minute Friday

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7 thoughts on “FMF – Lonely

  1. Oh my goodness… can we like, go get a coffee and chat because I think I could have written almost every word you typed!! Seriously. I know all those feelings… the ones about friendships for a season and the ones from when you were a teen and ALL of it! Glad you were brave today 🙂

  2. Well, dear gal, this was like reading my very own story. Having a friend, friend moves on, searching ( hoping) for a ” close” friend.
    I understand we are made for relationship, especially with our Creator, who is also our sustainer in those times of loneliness.
    In this one, you are not alone. We cry out for the more, the real, the hope.
    Good one for me today.
    Blessings to you,

    • Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone. We are made for relationship, and while we do find those heart friends here on earth, How utterly unbelievable is our ability to have a relationship with our Lord. Amen.

  3. Good post; I can relate to a lot of what you wrote there. I’m finding many of my current friendships are drifting away as friends move on with life. But this coincides with feeling that God is calling me to begin to follow my own dreams and move forward, so I believe they are connected. God strips away comfort zones sometimes to move us on.

  4. Thank you for your honesty here, Janel. Sadly, I think we all know this feeling of being on the outside looking in. And the friends for a season — that hurts so much, but I know that, too. I’m grateful for your bravery to write the hard words. Those FMFs can really dig deep, can’t they? Sending you love and prayers for sweet and meaningful friendships on the next phase of the journey.

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