Faith Conviction

In the multiple relationships that I have had over the years, I have chosen to date non-Christians because 1) they were available and I was intrigued by them and 2) I hadn’t been treated all that well by the “Christian” guys I had dated. Among the many things that I learned dating each of these guys, was that I didn’t trust myself with the boundaries I created. More often then not I had guys that would have followed the boundaries I told them wre important to me, but I didn’t.

A friend of mine recently started dating a guy that isn’t a Christian. I had a hard time wrapping my head around it, but I’m not really sure why, because I myself had dated numerous guys who didn’t believe like me or believe at all. I told myself I couldn’t say anything to her because who was I to say something, when I myself had been through a similar situation.

But this is not so much about her relationship as it is about my attitude. I’m still not sure why I reacted as I did. I was torn between telling her it was a really bad idea and telling her to date him. I was torn perhaps, by the fact that she was going to date someone and I wasn’t, even though most days I’m okay with being single. I was torn mostly though because though she struggled with what to do, she started seeking God more than I’ve ever seen…and I think I was jealous of this. Because even though she really wants him to come to know the Lord, she knows that might not happen. But she’s praying…and I’m not. And that bothers me.

After talking with me, and I’m sure getting conflicting advice, her small group gave her advice to continue to lift him up to the Lord and pray for his salvation…not necessarily to justify the relationship, but because she knew that he needed the Lord. She shared more about her faith and her relationship with the Lord and how they believed differently then I think she has with many people. and I was so intrigued by this boldness in her.

Today her boyfriend came to our church. He grew up with a more mainline, traditional church upbringing, so I was wondering how our church would go over. Its not wild, but there is a worship band, we sit in an auditorium at a school and the preacher wears regular clothes, no robes or clerical collars. He seemed to be okay with it all.

But as I sat there, I was convicted. Because I could see that God was indeed at work, weather her boyfriend comes to know the Lord or not…because she was devoting time to serious prayer before the Lord, seeking him devoutly in her scripture reading, pleading before the Lord for the salvation of those who she works with and her boyfriend. And here I was not believing that he’d come to salvation.

And while I have no idea whether he will or not, I am ashamed to say that I have said more than once to her that I would pray for her, and for him and for their relationship, and for the Lord’s work in his life…and what i’ve offered has been something more like a breathe in passing, not spoken in belief…or desire to see something happen.

And as I saw him sitting in our church, hearing the Word of God preached, having him open to reading his Bible, engaging in conversation about relationship with God and what Christ came to earth for, I see him looking into the Truth..and I can’t imagine how this brings hope to her heart, though she’s striving to trust that God will have happen what he wants to happen, whether he makes a choice to believe or not. But i was convicted in that moment of how little faith I have, of how I rarely commit those I love who don’t know the Lord to prayer nor do I seek boldness to speak truth to them.

Oh Lord, grow my faith. Help me to seek your face. Help me to know you more. Help me to pray BELIEVING that you are who you say you are, and who my heart is coming to know you are. Please forgive my unbelief. My flesh is so weak, and I desire your Spirit to help me overcome and to strive for more of you, a deeper knowledge and desire for you and to share you with others. Thank you for showing me the blindness in my eyes. Please change my attitude. Please help me truly lift my dear friend and her boyfriend and others in my life up before you in earnest, believing prayer..and may your will be done dear Lord.

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