I’m heading towards my 35th birthday. I’d love to do something to celebrate. I mean, I’m half way to 40 for goodness sake. I wanted to do 30 things on my 30th birthday, but a lot of what I had in mind would have been a fair amount of money and time. So I’m thinking something smaller this year, but still significant.
When I turned 20, I shed a few tears…when I turned 25, it was much of the same. Mostly, I cried for what wasn’t. Because I had an idea of what my life would look like, and it just wasn’t happening. I was still single, in school hoping that I was following the right degree, and up and down in my relationship with Christ. Looking back now, I’m not too clear on what the other things were that I was disappointed that I hadn’t achieved or become by that time, but I know that it went deep into my heart, made me think less of myself.
Heading into 30 and now towards 40, I have come to a new understanding that really I may have some idea of the future, but it generally looks like moments that I simply couldn’t begin to imagine. I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams, and I’ve also faced hurts I couldn’t have foretold were coming, but the person that I now am, looks so much different then when I started so many years ago (besides the obvious growth that comes with aging).
So now I’m writing to you, I’m not sure how many years in the future you are. But this is what I dream for you…that you would know both joy and peace. That you would more fully breathe in grace, and breathe out less legalism. That you would be content in where He has called and who He has called you to be. Contentment is a hard place to reach. But sometimes, its easier to see a glimpse of what God’s at work in, when you stop feeling sorry for yourself, and make yourself available to be used by Him.
I hope and pray that you are seeking more of Him. That you are diving deep into His Word. That you are growing in beautiful, deep friendships with women around you. I pray that you are still writing and reading voraciously. And I pray that what radiates from you is not only laughter and fierce loyalty, but also peace found in Him alone.
In whatever days God has ahead for you, I hope you continue to trust him, to ask him questions, to seek His truth, to rail and cry, to fight and fear, but to live…in TRUTH because that i what you will come back to, what you will be grounded in. What will continue to fill you up, and bring you through…
HE is all that will constantly remain.
– – – – –
linking up with Ruth and Sabrina for their weekly prompt “Letters to…”