banished or burnished

It sits on the table. I give it a wary glance.

It has been some time since we last interacted, and I’m not sure I’m ready.

I prowl around the table, looking at it from all four corners, wondering what my best form of approach is. I’m not ready for head on…I’d rather wonder from the side.

My eyes take in its rounded corners, the rough edges sewn up time and again, the way the handle curves beautifully not betraying the dark interior contents, the fabric worn and faded and yet I still see the pattern, something worn deep in my memory.

My hands tremble, my eyes begin to fill with tears and my heart beats hard.

Once embraced, attacked, released…one can never return to the unknown.

It has sat in the dark corner of my closer for far too long, skeletons dancing about…sharing their secrets and pushing them deep into its recesses, and I remember slamming the door on their whispered voices.

But the day has come. The door has been opened. The light has sent those skeletons fleeing and I have thrown this memory keeper full onto the table, ready to spill its contents.

The clasp is worn and rusty, and yet I know it just looks old, its barely been used and I’ve yet to flick the switch. I know that there is a journey that lies ahead. That soon this table will be littered with moments, memories, vices, grace and mystery…and yet my fingers hover above.

Letting forth this baggage, these moments of the past…will forever change my future, because once released they can only be dealt with, given the death blow to those things that drag me low and speak in lies, and those things seen in fresh light that I had left foraging in the dust of disuse and un-remembering.

Holding my breathe, I close my eyes…and flick open the latch. A puff of dust seeps out as I open the cavern of its opening wide and dare to take a peek. The contents lay deep within, time covered and sitting dark cornered. My task lies ahead…

I shall take each of them out. I will lay them table covered until ever last item is revealed. And then, it will begin. The banishment or burnishing…it lies ahead, there is no turning back.

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One thought on “banished or burnished

  1. You put the “bon voyage” of this journey into perfect words, Janel. It is fearsome but it is worth it. Praying with you as you unpack and lighten the load along the way.

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