i fall so quickly into lack of trust

A couple months ago, my car was doing odd things. I took it into the dealership, took the dealership guy for a drive and he said ‘you should be fine’. I had noticed some grinding noises more recently and then my whole car started vibrating when I drove it and when I threw on the brakes. I knew something we really wrong, but didn’t think about it too much until I had other people in my car and then I freaked out one night on the way to Bible study. Thankfully I’m able to borrow my parent’s car on Tuesday nights so I can safely get people where they need to go.

Right before I left for Refine I knew that things had progressed from bad to worse when I felt like my car was going to fall apart on me at any moment. Thankfully the Lord saw fit to take me to Toronto and Hamilton in the past two months with no issues. So grateful for that.

I talked to my parents about my concerns and we had to wait until I had a day off because I wanted to be able to leave the car there for whenever they could look at it. It was there for two days. They called me and told me that what needed to be fixed was about 900$. Last time they worked on my car it was about 1300 so I was glad it was cheaper. I received my tax refund from the government the same day that I found out the cost. The check would more than cover it. I decided not to have the work done that day because they had other things on their plate and I needed my car for work this weekend.

It was my understanding that everything that needed to be done would be covered by the 900$. Upon looking at the reciept though my steering column replacement (or whatever the steering apparatus was that needed to be fixed) was not included in that price. Looking it up online it runs about 500 (perhaps including labour). So i’m not even sure they can fix it.

I left the auto shop rejoicing that the money i had would cover the cost. i was so thankful, but the question came in my head…what if it wasn’t all taken care of right now, would I still trust. And as soon as I found out that my steering wasn’t covered, the doubt and mistrust and anxiety began to creep in.  I had been rejoicing all day, remembering verses about his provision and songs that reminded me that He’s always been faithful…and there was my heart full of anxiety and fear.

*sigh* when will I learn. God will provide. God will work it out. He will show me the answer. But I’m so prone to fall into the pit so fast. I am such a lost cause sometimes, it feels like God.

So thankful for my parents who have been willing to lend me their vehicle and perhaps rent a car for themselves if it is necessary. I am beyond blessed by them, time and time again.

I get paid this Friday and only one thing HAS to come out of my account, so I’m thankful that I have a little bit of room to move (with gas and such needed for at least my parents car) *sigh*



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