Story 101 reflection on Muse/why write

I love to write because it helps me to get what is in my head out on the paper. I have to be able to get through things and I don’t think that I can do that without getting those things out of my head. (love this music..its the civil wars) I love reading what other people write. And there are things in other peoples writing that just really jumps out and speaks to my heart. Sometimes I have to respond to that. Sometimes there are words, sometimes there are phrases and they just stick with me. They become part of me. I haven’t  been able to write as much lately because it seems like I’m stopped up. Like I have a bunch of stuff up in my mind and I can’t get it out. I sit down to write and all I get are fragments, but I guess that’s better than nothing. But I don’t sit down and make myself write either. Sometimes I just think that I should be writing but then I distract myself with other things. Perhaps I’m afraid of what might be revealed in my subconscious if I took the time to actually write stuff down. Perhaps I’d have to deal with some things that I don’t want to deal with. I think that is the truth of the matter. That I remember little things and sometimes I think of things that I need to work through but they are just a glimpse and they are too painful so I shut them away again. But I wonder how freedom would look how it would taste if I knew what it was past the door that I keep slamming and don’t let myself explore. I think that’s it I’m the one that’s holding myself back. I’m the one that’s finding things that need to be worked through but the fear is too real and too strong, and it keeps me from being part of the conversation, part of the healing, because I’m afraid and that fear is stronger than any change that I want to see in my life right now.

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