joining up with Kate and the lovely writers who gather to write on one topic in five minutes…unedited and with your heart spilled out on the page.
Do I dare trust that He will provide all things for me?
That He has a life that will grow me stretched before me, one that is not guaranteed to be full of always happy things but one that will definitely make me more Christ like.
And I find myself longing for more of Him. and then I find myself longing for more human companionship, especially male.
And I long to change my ways and echo Christ in my life, and I’m daily becoming more worldly in the way that I speak at work and interact with my fellow workers.
And I long to make my Bible reading a desire for communication with the Lover of my heart and instead I find myself adding it to a list of things to do in my day, if I get to it.
Do I dare to live differently? To make a conscious choice. To take my thoughts captive. To make a decision to make His word and time with him a priority instead of something I can fit in. do I dare to find myself satisfied in him alone?
I need to trust that He has this all worked out. That he knows each moment that has been given me and He holds them in His hand. That He is in control though some days it feels like this world is out of control, there are so many ways He holds us together that I can’t see. He loves me and longs for me to know more of Him, to see more of Him, to love Him more.
Do I dare to enter into this relationship? Do I dare to trust? To surrender?
writing as much as I can through the month of October (one glorious prompt at a time)
When it comes to experiences, sometimes I’m not too fond of new. Although, after trying something its not as bad as I first imagined. I like things that I can tell what the outcome will be…but there is very little adventure in that.
I’m heading off to California next weekend with my brother for a 9 day trip and alot of it is unknown. There are the days that we are going to be in certain places visiting people that are dear to me, but there are also alot of those day that are without specific plans. Oh we have a general idea of where we’re planning on being but we’re just going to see where we end up. For me that is fun and not so fun. I’m the kind of person who wants to know that we can do stuff all day but we have a specific destination in mind for the evening.
My brother challenged me to see that we can figure out where we’re staying but that way we don’t ahve to be tied into a strict itinerary with certain areas. I think this will help because I was uncertain as to how big California actually is and the distance between things…so that will definitely free us up to figure out where things are and to stay where we both feel is best for the night.
My brother has been one who has challenged me to do new. We’ve done a zip line together and we’ve kayaked on a bay together. One of the reasons i chose to do this trip with him is he’s my bro, but the other was that I was sure that there would be adventure involved because he wouldnt’ let me just do the same old. He was sure to say ‘come on, lets try this…and encourage me along the way’ just as he has on the other adventures that we’ve had.
So when it comes to new, i’m learning to embrace, to trust…as long as there are people along on the journey with me that I can trust as well, that are okay with their not being a final resting place on the map or a final destination clearly laid out in the morning…and that is okay. I’m learning…its okay to fly by the seat of your pants, in some situations. Sometimes you find adventure that way.
Attempting to write every day in October (hopefully)
I don’t know if I’ve always been a pessimist, but its my way of thinking lately. And let’s be honest…its always cheery (or not). But truly, my way of thinking is that if you expect bad things to happen or to be disappointed, then a lot of the time you won’t be disappointed because you’re expecting it. And if instead you are pleasantly surprised because those things don’t take place, then all the better.
And I know that as a Christian I should have hope and joy, but it seems that lately I’ve been without those two things. Because ultimately, let’s be honest, all these things require trust and that’s not something that I’m very good at. Trusting others, but lately it seems that’s been transferring over into my relationship with God and whether or not I trust that what he’s got in life for me is for my betterment and that it will be for my ultimate good, whether I can understand it or not.
and so my view is prompted by the ways in which I’ve been let down by my fellow humans and i guess in some sense I’ve attempted to try to protect my heart and so I’ve decided to be pessimistic, because then it seems the heart gets broken less….because you expect less from others. If you’re pretty sure they’re gonna let you down then there isn’t much needing to be invested.
But I want to grow in my relationship with God. I want to learn to trust. And it’s so hard because I so often paint him with the same brush as this fallen humanity that I interact with around me. It’s so hard to know that He is different, He won’t let me down, and that is HE is the only one that can truly be trusted