Attempting to write every day in October (hopefully)
I don’t know if I’ve always been a pessimist, but its my way of thinking lately. And let’s be honest…its always cheery (or not). But truly, my way of thinking is that if you expect bad things to happen or to be disappointed, then a lot of the time you won’t be disappointed because you’re expecting it. And if instead you are pleasantly surprised because those things don’t take place, then all the better.
And I know that as a Christian I should have hope and joy, but it seems that lately I’ve been without those two things. Because ultimately, let’s be honest, all these things require trust and that’s not something that I’m very good at. Trusting others, but lately it seems that’s been transferring over into my relationship with God and whether or not I trust that what he’s got in life for me is for my betterment and that it will be for my ultimate good, whether I can understand it or not.
and so my view is prompted by the ways in which I’ve been let down by my fellow humans and i guess in some sense I’ve attempted to try to protect my heart and so I’ve decided to be pessimistic, because then it seems the heart gets broken less….because you expect less from others. If you’re pretty sure they’re gonna let you down then there isn’t much needing to be invested.
But I want to grow in my relationship with God. I want to learn to trust. And it’s so hard because I so often paint him with the same brush as this fallen humanity that I interact with around me. It’s so hard to know that He is different, He won’t let me down, and that is HE is the only one that can truly be trusted