#FMF – When

joining together with other fierce writers to see what streams from our finger tips when we all write on the same word for five minutes (love this community)

GO

this is one of those questions that you ask when you’re trying to get to the bottom of something. you know like why, what, when, how, etc. I remember learning about those way back in grade school. The answers were pretty straight forward back then. but these days being an adult you find that sometimes the answers aren’t as straight forward as you once thought.

back then you were searching picture books for clues and looking through short newspaper articles for the facts. and while you’re still given the facts when you’re older things seem to jump to the forefront more and sometimes there are even more questions after you’ve started asking the first couple. Sometimes what seems simple ends up being more complex then you imagined.

being older means that i tend to see more things about myself then i ever did before. i’ve always been an introspective person but sometimes that’s not always best because alot of the times when i’m processing internally i don’t have the outside input to help me get over barriers that ‘ve perhaps created myself. and so i get stuck in certain ways of thinking.

lately there has been alot of stuff going on in my head. Things that i don’t feel that i have someone safe enough to talk about them with. And that is hard for me. cause even though i’m often internal i dod enjoy a good heart to heart to kind of flesh things out. And at the moment i don’t feel like i have a person who i really trust in my real life to have these kind of talks with. Perhaps i will have to visit the counselor soon because technically i pay her to be this friend.

All that to say that sometimes things aren’t what they seem. Sometimes they are deeper then we imagine. And sometimes the answers are simply there, ready for us to pick out if we simply as the right questions.

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#FMF – Wait

Joining with the lovely writers who gather together Thursday evening and Friday to write for five minutes on one topic, unedited…and see how it all comes together.

Wait

I’m in a period of waiting right now. I have been at my store for almost four years now and I’m looking to move to one closer to my house. There are many reasons but two of them are, 1) that I’d prefer not having to drive across the city in the storms we’ve been having and 2) they have a manager and we don’t at the moment. I had a really hard time last time we were without a manager, so I tried to get out before our last one quit but I was too late.

I was really frustrated that they wouldn’t let me move. But I understood their reasoning. Several people left when he did and that left a vortex of hours that needed to be filled. My leaving would continue to perpetuate this vortex. So i talked to the manager that is covering our store and she told me, okay give me six weeks. Its almost been a month and i’m not sure much has happened, which is frustrating…but I guess part of the journey that i’m supposed to be on.

Since i’m generally a black and white person, who doesn’t have alot of room for ‘wait’ but rather anticipates a no or a yes….i had a feeling i should just give up on the whole thing. But then i realized that wasn’t an appropriate response. It wasn’t that big a challenge in my life, i could handle it…i just needed to work through the disappointment.

And then I wondered if perhaps this was a sign that i wasn’t supposed to move in the first place. But as i’ve continued to work at my store and continued to interact with the people i like who i work with and who are customers its been harder for me to think it is a good idea. and yet i know i need a change. I’ve become more and more frustrated with the way that things are going down at the store and since i’m no longer in charge but i’m one of the only ones who knows what the standards are that is left, its so hard for me to not say anything without getting lash back from those who are in charge now. Part of the problem is that they were never trained properly in the first place, but i guess that’s not my problem now.

and so continues the waiting game. And i try to make the most of the time at the store. Because i do love people and i’ll miss them. But i think its time for a change.

END