Joining up with the community of writers at Five Minute Friday, and writing on One Word for FIVE minutes
without any editing. Making sure that you link up and then check out others writing on the same word.
Joining Kate and all the others.
When I headed out for Nebraska two years ago, the theme of the retreat was about finding and pursuing your God-sized dream. I was afraid that I wouldn’t know what my dream was when I went, or that I wouldn’t discover it before I left. I was also intimidated by the people that were going to be there. I mean there were people who were big names in blogging going to be there. Who was I to be even attending this retreat, was the lie that kept running through my head. Thankfully a good friend spoke truth into my life…and told me that I had as much right as anyone to go, that I had a voice that needed to be heard and that I had a reason for going there. I printed out her response to me and put it in the front of my journey I had brought to take notes in.
Thankfully there were some dear hearts that were there to give me hugs, that I felt like i could connect with. I had been traveling since early in the morning and I was exhausted. I think i may have gone and had a nap before dinner, so that I would be ready for the session in the evening. To be honest I was overwhelmed…so many people and the doubts were beginning to creep in. That evening I met a beautiful woman named Sherri, she shared some of her story with me and my eyes filled with tears. God was doing amazing things in her life…but it had been a hard journey. I held her hands in mine and prayed for her and her ministry.
The next day I got up early and headed to the dining area with my Bible and journal. So many doubts were overwhelming me and I needed to hear from God. And I sat in that room and wrote my feelings into my journal. praying as I went that God would be evident to me. As I went through the day on Saturday I had some good conversations, one of which was with a dear friend Gretchen who I had met on the shuttle to the retreat. We shared about some of our doubts about whether we even had a God-sized dream or not, but we had little inklings of things that he was working on in our lives. That night Jennifer Dukes brought a word that had me weeping…giving up some of the fear that I had that perhaps God hadn’t called me to anything.
I came home with a little more knowledge then I had gone with. But I didn’t have a dream set out in stone. Saturday afternoon I had a conversation with a young woman who I shared some of the inklings that God was bringing to the forefront, and she came to me after the session and prayed for me and spoke life into these inklings. And I wept. Because I had felt like I had nothing, that I had no idea why I was there, or what the dream was, what the dreams were that God was calling me to.
and now my dream continues to be more of an inkling every now and again, rather than something set in stone…but its been a journey. I still don’t know what it looks like, maybe it will be a whole lot of little things that He uses me for rather than some big journey that others will know about. I am still dreaming, and I still get caught in doubt…I have seen Him work, I have seen Him change me, and I’m trying to keep my eyes open to how He’s at work and how He’d like me to be apart of the journey.