silencing my own voice

I couldn’t believe I had heard her right.

I stopped breathing for what seemed like forever, but it was only a couple seconds I’m sure.

I was thankful for her vulnerability. For her desire to share her story.

But those words from her mouth, seemed to catch in my own throat.

I wanted to whisper, ‘me too’, in fact, i wanted to shout it. But i kept my mouth closed. I didn’t say a word. I just kept listening to her share.

and my own story filled my veins. And my own pain. And my own attempted reaction to control it.

And the interesting thing is. She isn’t the only one. While her words were exactly mine that I couldn’t voice, another friend had texted me several weeks earlier also sharing her heart.

And my soul ached to read what she’d written. And i was full of answers and good advice. But the thing was, the exact same words she had written to me were what I am struggling with, but don’t like to share with anyone. Because I don’t’ want to be convicted. Because I don’t want anyone to tell me I’m wrong. Because I don’t’ want to admit that this is an area that I definitely can’t control myself.

and so I write her back. And I encourage her. and the girl who spoke those words that seemed to speak my story, i think about what she said over and over again, but don’t say a think to her. To encourage her, to say me to. I just let those words hang out in the open. And wish that I could bring myself to share those wounds as well.

Perhaps it seems easier being silent. Being the one with the answers, but the stopped up mouth when it comes to sharing my own struggles or my own pain.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “silencing my own voice

  1. My dear friend. Even though your story may be similar, it is still your story. You will tell it when the time is right, when God prompts you with “now, my child.” Breathe. Breathe in His grace and in His forgiveness, and breathe in His time. ((((Hugs))))

  2. Profound post, friend! I’m so glad that you were able to write what you are thinking. You will tell it in your time too friend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s