#FMF – Here

this past week I had the beautiful chance to spend time with some fellow FMF writers. it was such a wonderful time. I’m so thankful. I am so glad that the Lord led Lisa-Jo to begin this link up and that it has been grown through Kate’s faithfulness to the ministry of community and encouragement.

Writing for five minutes with a community of writers who spend time pondering the same word, with different results. I love to read about how the word has people reflecting so differently on their stories. Remember to write unedited and then visit those who have written around you (and remember to give some love to those who have posted near the end…they are writing out their heart too)

prompt: Here

Its really hard to explain. That heart connection that you have with someone, when you first meet them.

To be honest, in my older years, I’ve struggled with relationships with other females. In my teenage years I was often a little odd and perhaps I still am, but I was rejected at times quite obviously as a result. I guess in some sense I learned to not trust others. The guys however didn’t seem to mind my quirkiness. and to be honest, I think I sought a relationship with anyone who would affirm that I was at least worthy of a little attention. At that point, i’m not sure if that seeking attention was appropriate or not, I know it has ventured into that area sometimes, but I was friends often with guys because there was little competition amongst them. Not what I felt when I was among the other girls in my class.

But I digress. It has only been in the past couple years that I’ve been blessed with friendships with ladies. Perhaps i’ve been given the chance previously and I rejected it because i didn’t trust or have my eyes open to the gift that they could be. But I prayed that God would give me good girlfriends, and it has taken place.

Last year though, in the space of several months I had what seemed to be a devastating blow. My friend was married for a year and I felt her drifting away into a new life, another friend moved across the country, another moved overseas and another changed our relationship because of things that were requiring her time. And I felt bereft…alone, floating in the midst of uncertainty and what felt like betrayal.

I had many conversations (er yelling) at God saying, WHY….why would you take these dear relationships from me? And I came to realize that in some way I had begun to find my identity in them. it was a cleansing that I needed. and while i didn’t really lose this relationships (Well all of them) they changed and it was something that i needed to come to terms with. And see where I should be finding my real identity in.

and all of that to say, that being here, being present…has allowed me to begin to grow other relationships. tentatively at first, but with small burst of heart joy (that i didn’t know if i’d feel again) as I feel another season of connection being birthed. I am so thankful for the dear women that I met this weekend, some in particular who I felt like I had known for forever. it was such a beautiful reminder, a sacred gift to know that He holds such a great blessings, even coming from such a place of previous pain and mistrust

END

 

five minute friday

 

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