Joining up with Kate and the community of writers over at Five Minute Friday, where we write for five minutes on a specific topic and then see what others have divulged in their writing. No editing and the five minute limit often means my heart spills pretty vulnerably on the page. i’m thankful for this group. They have been there for me through many things in the past year, and I’m so blessed to be able to have met several of them in real life. Thankful for this community.
The words I’ve found myself associating with lately are words about brokenness, like ashes, wilderness, darkness becoming light, shattered, etc. And as I’ve pondered these words I’ve found it to be an interesting thing. I struggle with depression and have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. I also am a pessimist. So all of these together cause me to focus more on dark things i think than the lighter items. I’m broken in that sin has wreaked havoc in my life, because its human failing and falling are my lot as one who claims humanity as kin. and yet there is redemption. Redemption through truth found only in Christ.
I’m not sure that all those pieces, that all this darkness, will fully be restored until heaven. This world is a fallen place. I am a person who struggles daily with the sinful nature of my heart. Some days its something that I don’t acknowledge, perhaps i like to think that on a scale of one to ten i’m not that bad. but then i see myself for what I am…and i’m reminded. Fallenness bares many forms.
Yesterday, I searched Instagram looking for pictures with the hashtag ‘wilderness’. I have to admit, i had a pre-conceived notion that I would find starkness, barrenness, stark light and dark. and yet while there were a few of those, i had forgotten about the places that are wild, but are alive still. Like forests, glades, meadows, rain forests, etc. that there is a wildness to these places that is untouched by human hands, hence their wilderness, and yet there is life there. for some reason i’d always associated wilderness with barrenness, with very little hope or light.
and yet my mind was re-framed. a piece of my understanding was changed.
in some sense…my idea of wilderness, was reshaped, becoming closer to ‘whole’ in one area of my wandering.