Joining up with our lovely leader Kate and other writer friends over at her place for Five Minute Friday. We gather on Twitter Thursday for our #fmfparty, just a twitter party full of great people, a community of souls chatting away. and then the prompt is given and we write (or like today, many days later we write) and its fascinating to see what one word, spoken out in the internet brings to mind in so many unique voices. writing for five minutes unedited, letting the words stream from fingertips is the name of this particular practice. Visiting your neighbors and letting them know that they are read and loved is also part of the community we have gathered here. I hope that you’ll check it out.
I don’t like missing out. Although, now that I’m older I think I’m a bit more resigned to it. When I was younger, I didn’t want to miss school or youth group because of being sick or having an appointment, because I thought that while I was gone that things in that realm of culture would change so abruptly that I would no longer have a place.
But that’s thinking that I had a place in those days, and there were moments, actually most moments, where I was never quite sure.
I was listening to a podcast yesterday about middle-school, and the lives of youngsters attempting to figure out the social dynamics of this wide world, and did it ever bring me back. I’m not sure what about me makes me odd or even if that word still is something that someone would ever use to describe me. But at that time, it was a moniker i heard often about myself. That and ‘weird’.
And when all you’ve ever wanted was to just belong and not be on the outside any longer, that word seems a death-knell to any friendships you might desire. I don’t think I was every truly all alone, I had a friend or two. But the people who I felt it was most important to be like or to be liked by, they seemed always one step ahead of anything I was able to do or be.
When I was older and in high-school there were always people going out after church and it always pained me because I didn’t get an invitation. Once I spoke to a friend about this and she said ‘oh everyone’s always invited’ and that seemed to sting. Because its not that I thought I warranted a ‘special’ invitation (I didn’t think that highly of myself, I don’ think) but that I needed to be invited, to be included, to be acknowledged, i think that was what hurt so much about the general invitation. and most of the time I heard about what was happening because i happened to overhear them making plans. I did attend once or twice but always felt like an imposter, like I wasn’t really wanted there, like I had come into something of which I wan’t a part.