so the thing about all of this is this
I had been contemplating getting a new job.
and then today. i received a text at 11am that said ‘can you meet me before work at the main office’ from the big boss
i’m a pessimist and have an anxiety disorder so right away I was beside myself. what did she want from me? these kind of summons usually don’t bode well for someone.
i messaged a couple of my friends to pray for me. And I am thankful for the prayers they prayed because I don’t think i would have had the strength to walk into that room and walk out of it again as I did.
the tears started falling once I hit the door to the office, but I didn’t turn around and let them see. I went to the front of the cafe and ordered an alcoholic fancy drink as the tears poured down my face and someone who I had discounted as my sworn enemy gave me THREE hugs to try to help me feel better.
Today, I was let go from my job. for the first time in my life. The reasons were many. They don’t have alot of money to pay full time people. they are restructuring. she thought my heart wasn’t in it. etc. that last one devastated me. i’ve been frustrated but i’ve been doing my best and i love my customers and most of my coworkers. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to anyone (though i texted my one coworker).
until that text message, I didn’t have a clue this was coming. I know that God’s got this. Until she said ‘we have bad news for you’…i didn’t believe it might be true. I am looking toward the future. There is hope because perhaps tomorrow, or next week or next month, or sometime there will be something for me. He will guide my way.
But it still hurts. I still had tears streaming down my cheeks so badly I couldn’t see to drive. I went home and was hugged by my mum and dad and snuggled the pup close. and talked some stuff through. And I feel held. There are so many that lifted me up today. They are holding me, He is holding me. I am striving and longing and seeking to trust.
joining up with my people over at Five Minute Friday, who join together over one word and then write their hearts out for five minutes. This community is definitely something that keeps me going week to week. I am so thankful that I have found them, and that I am blessed to be able to join them (when I do) to add my voice.
weak :lacking in bodily strength or healthy vigor, as from age or sickness;feeble; infirm
Since last week, I’ve been under the weather health wise. It all started with my dad being sick and in the hospital, and the stress related to that. Perhaps the weather that we’ve been having also played a party It has been unseasonably warm for a couple days, and then freezes for several more days and doesn’t really let germs die in the cold as they should.
Nevertheless, as of last Sunday I was diagnosed with a viral sinus infection and was informed that if I didn’t take care of it, there may be a bacterial infection involved that would compromise other parts of my body to infection. As I took the medicine, and tried to clear my nose and chest of congestion, I felt frustrated.
I longed to breathe again like I had previous to being sick. I wanted to sleep at night, without waking up coughing and not have to be blowing my nose or eating chicken soup what seemed like the 100th time (maybe only 3 or 4 times).
In all reality, what I hate more than anything was being weak. Not being able to do the things I normally do with no thought. Going outside to brush the snow off my car, walking up the stairs, doing some things around the apartment…all seemed to cause me extra strain. And I realized as well, that I don’t like things being out of my control. I just wanted a medicine that cleared this up ASAP. I wanted to be able to stop coughing. I wanted to stop having congestion. I wanted to feel like myself…but it is a process that takes time.
I’ve been trying to see the rest in my weakness, but its straining my eyes
Joining with the other’s at Kate Motaung’s space as we write five minutes on a one word prompt. No editing, just letting your fingers fly. And as always, visiting others who have written and sharing your feedback or just some writer love!
I was on break at work, and I realized that my mom had called me twice in a series of minutes. She had either forgotten to tell me something, or there was something going on. I checked my messages and tears began to fall. My mom had found my dad on the floor Tues morning, he had passed out and then couldn’t get himself up. She enlisted the help of some people to get him off the floor and into bed, but then realized that he should probably head to the hospital. He was in a lot of pain and just couldn’t get comfortable.
She ended up calling an ambulance because she knew that she wouldn’t be able to get him to the hospital and then followed in her car. After hearing her messages on my phone, I told my boss what happened and then asked if I could leave to go see my dad in the hospital. I was beside myself, but tried not to show it. I still haven’t really let myself cry. I left a message on my brother’s phone, called my landlady and asked her to pray and left a message on my friend’s Voxer asking for prayer. I didn’t know what to expect.
I hate hospitals. I guess it would be odd if I liked them, but they have been high up on my do not like list for quite some time. My friend today said its probably because there are so many people who are hurting and my empathy can’t handle it. I’m not sure. I think its all the unknowns of the lives in the hospital. Its a battle between life and death on every floor. I ended up being there when my mom was checking in and then being able to eventually go back to the ER room that he was staying in where I held his hand. His head was in a brace because he had fallen and they were exploring the possibility of meningitis and didn’t want to have a possible injury before they could get all the scans done.
I held his hand and tried to stay positive. I tried to make a joke or two. I kept reminding myself to just breathe.
my dad has been admitted to the hospital. today they diagnosed him with a blood infection. they are working to make sure that they have gotten all that is going on in his body and have been most helpful in keeping us informed and his health is being monitored well. Thank you to those who prayed. I am so grateful.