#FMF – Friend

joining up with our flash mob of writers over at Kate’s place, writing for Five Minutes on one particular prompt. No editing, just letting the words make themselves visible from head to fingertips. Make sure to visit those who have written around you in the link up. its always fascinating for me to see what the same word inspires each person to share!

Prompt: Friend

Its incredibly difficult to ‘be friends’ with a nice single guy who has declared you to be friends only.

It has also been a blessing. But a hard one.

Each time we hang out, I try to think…how would I act if this was one of my girlfriends? But its kind of hard to do, because he’s NOT one of my girlfriends.

Thankful we have a pretty chill friendship and I feel pretty comfortable being myself and I’m so glad because that hasn’t been the case many times in my life.

It has been a strange thing in my life. I’m sure that psychologists would give me some good answers to this, but I’ve always enjoyed being friends with guys more than girls. I’ve had a couple girl friends, but usually had a struggle with those relationships. But I’ve been blessed in my after high-school years to have some awesome guys as best friends.

It also really sucked when both of them found some amazing girls and got married to them. And as I should, that changed everything. But man did I miss them. They knew me better than most people, and suddenly I had lost a very close friend.

The grief from those losses was very deep.

In some sense, I seem to daily wait for the abrupt finish to this relationship. For another girl to come along and catch his eye as girlfriend material, and then everything will change.

I know better than to open myself up like this. I know better than falling for someone like this. someone with whom I seem to not be on the radar as anything other than a friend.

Seriously though…I’m OLD enough to know better. And yet, here I find myself.

i think its a bit selfish honestly. I think it kind of goes both way. We meet a need in each other without the messiness of commitment.

Tell that to my infatuation

END

five minute friday

 

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3 thoughts on “#FMF – Friend

  1. Oh my gosh…thank you! This captures so much of what I’m feeling with my guy friend too. It helps to know I’m not alone. Love you friend. I’m in the 35 spot this week. And you may have even got a shout-out.

  2. hi janel! i’m your next door neighbor today:) i haven’t come across you for awhile! i’m sure it is me not the fact that you weren’t here. i love this post. it brings up the sadness and difficulty of friendship…we put our hearts into it but sometimes it isn’t reciprocated in the way we feel it. that is when we are hurt. in movies, the other person comes around. in real life it doesn’t always happen. blessings on your friendship. maybe you are giving more than you should and causing yourself needless pain? i don’t know but it might be worth considering based on what you have said.

  3. It is difficult. I see a strength, though, in your writing about this. I know this will touch many who understand exactly where you are writing from in life. Keep up the honesty. – Lori

    visiting from FMF #63

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