Middle of the Night

I have been waking up in the middle of the night (or more like mid morning, but like 2am morning, not 6am morning) for some reason.

The other day when I woke up I got to thinking about my frustrating friendship with the guy that I’ve mentioned on here a few times. Its a really weird friendship that we have, that seems to be revolving around whether he’s wanting to hangout or even talk that day or not. I am super frustrated by it, and have had many conversations with myself over expectations, etc.

In the middle of my pondering that particular night though, God brought something to mind that hit me across the head. He made me look at my relationship with Him and he prompted my heart to look at it and see that it is much the same. I only seek Him on my terms, when I think the time is right. I’ve very inconsistent and very much all about myself in this relationship. It was a bit of a slap in the face, but needed.

So I’ve been thinking about that. A real life example, while perhaps not a good relationship, gave me a picture of what my relationship with God is looking like right now. He’s always there. He loves me. He wants to be in relationship with me. I’m the one with the finicky heart. I’m the one that does things on my terms. The one that dictates what’s happening in our relationship. That’s not what should be happening.

There should be a longing in my ¬†heart. For Him first and foremost. For His leading. For his love. For a knowledge of who He’s crafted me to be. For the knowledge of the sin riddled heart that He has forgiven and covered in grace. a much needed reminder in the middle of the night.

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