so many things

my heart it heavy today. 

there are so many things that simply overwhelm me and my heart just breaks.

local news things.

a young man killed in a head on collision this week. A four year old girl passes out on the playground at school and dies after being rushed to the hospital. a young man with cerebral palsy being degraded in humiliating ways…laying face first in a stream so that a girl may walk on his back without dirtying her shoes. 

and then heart aches of friends and family

health struggles. mental health issues. physical pain. heartbreak. loneliness.

and it can all seem so overwhelming sometimes. 

the instant loss of the car accident. life changed in a mere instant. i can’t imagine the truck driver who was on the other side of the incident. how his life will be forever changed as well. for the family whose lives have a hole in them as a result of the loss of him.

For the family of the little girl, who may question health issues unknown. for those who ran to help her in her time of need. for the children on the playground. for the kids who are still too young to really fathom what a loss like this means. for the teachers who are responsible for so many young lives and minds each day, and while these moments are few, they are heartbreaking none the less. 

my blood boils. the reason we know this incident occurred is because people stood around with their phones taping the incident…NOT ONE moved to help. NOT ONE seemed to say this is wrong, lets stop this. I am horrified. I want to ask what were you thinking? but they probably can’t remember now or they weren’t or they don’t think its that big a deal. I just wish in some small part that they could feel this degrading and humiliation themselves, each of them. 

and I just don’t have the mental state to process this. Every evening my parents turn on the news so that they can be aware of what is happening locally and its all I can do to sit through the newscast. I sometimes sit in the kitchen but I can still hear everything from there. For a sensitive person, all this heavy input can be incredibly debilitating. My coping strategies aren’t the best, but they work. Or maybe they are just running away and not coping. Sleep is my friend. I am often more tired than others, and perhaps that is because i literally need more sleep then others or perhaps its because my body is so tired all the time from this input. 

These are the things that swirl throughout my mind during the day. Bit and pieces of things i’ve heard and read and ponder about.