Joining up with my friends who write for five minutes on one word...and then share what has uniquely inspired them.
and when we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed but when we are silent we are still afraid * Audre Lourde
I am not fond of conflict. In fact as soon as I sense conflict, I begin to retreat into myself or very quickly remove myself from the situation. Often when I share an opinion and it is quickly shot down or argued quite heatedly with, I will clam up and not add to the conversation.
In my head, I have some fierce arguments and stunning rebuttals, but they rarely make their way out of my mouth to be heard in the light of day.
I am not sure why I so often choke on my words. I am not quiet and demure. I can offer many a word in conversation, but there are somethings that remain barracaded from being spoken.
Sometimes I think the silence I maintain on these subjects is for the better. That isn’t always so. I just so often don’t know how or when to speak up for myself.
I don’t want to have the thoughts that are vulnerable and raw accosted or even more painful…rejected. I take things personally and that would seem like a bone deep dismissal of my very self.
Sometimes I chose silence. Sometimes fear holds my words hostage.