Sliver of Hope

image

this image and it’s title inspired me today

She stands
the air
stardust surrounding
and breathes in
hope
glory
the ray of light
piercing darkness
and the stars
they twinkle and sing
and her voice
begins to rise up
and she begins
to hum along
as a tear trickles
the sliver of light
sliver of hope
beckons her home
there IS hope.

by Janel Andrews written May2/2015

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Wait and See

i glanced across at you
looking so handsome

your 12 o’clock shadow
and your bible on your knee

its hard to stop my heart
from beating hard when you’re around

you’ve got a smile lit on my face
and you’re oblivious

or maybe not

but this time

i’ve learned better than to ask
i’m just waiting

trying to figure out what this is all about
and if he’s got a plan for us

otherwise

i love our friendship
its beginning and now its middle

and I’ll take whatever comes along
because all things are seasons

and maybe that’s what you are for me

or perhaps something like a generation
but we’ll wait and see

but still i look. and dream
and you fill my thoughts

and i struggle to give you up
to Him

cause He’s got you
and He knows you
and He’s got a plan

i’m in learning

trying

striving

to TRUST

and not despair
when the past rears its head

cause i’ve known too much heartbreak

by janel Written Sept 29/2014

You are Named

He speaks in whisper
my heart beat quickens

 

and the words I hear
I struggle to comprehend

 

because my eyes, my ears, my heart
are all covered in this filth
this sin barrier

 

and I cannot SEE, cannot HEAR, cannot KNOW

that what He whispers over me
is what I was named
before my first breathe was taken
before my eyes opened wide to light
before my heart began its rhythm

 

and yet this truth

my understanding of it
my ‘knowing’ it
doesn’t change its reality

 

HE has called me His own
beautiful
chosen
redeemed

 

and those are things
that I have no say in
they just ARE

now to make them MY heartbeat
to see them with MY eyes
to hear and believe with my ears

that is the next step
in this love journey

 

 

written by Janel Andrews    August 6/2014

 

Inspired by the following verses:

“…Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1b

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Cor 5:17

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you…” Jer 1:5a

In the Midst of Darkness

There is beauty
that thrives in darkness

luminescent green wings
glowing with ethereal glimpses

white and glossy petals
swirled deep with nectar

these two, or these many
they know
darkness is not to be feared

there is light
it just might take

an adjustment of sight

By Janel Andrews written: July 15/14

 

Inspired by
the Luna Moth and the Moon Flower (Night-blooming cereus)
both live creatures that thrive in the darkness.

moon flower in daytimeMoon Flower in the daytime (all curled up)
moonflower at nightMoon flower in the nighttime -in all its beauty
LunaMoth-DonSimonsStunning Luna Moth (love the iridescent green)

It was never supposed to be like this

it was never supposed to be like this

chemo hardening her veins with the burn
life sapping moments to try to make her well

Her eyes are closed and her hair fans the pillow
I’ve never seen her so fragile and still

Her mouth moves quiet in the dreaming
and I’m glad that she’s found some respite

it was never supposed to be like this

She held me near in my early golden days
whispering strength into my wayward locks

Her arms held me up, flying through the sky
showing me the strength I possessed was limitless

Her laughter filled all the spaces of my heart
my memories are incomplete without it

Her thrown back head, the smile splitting wide in joy
a million little pieces of glee sent into my lifeblood

it was never supposed to be like this

and now, I watch in agony, hands tied
I wish to give my life blood to see her rise

the dichotomy of new life, and life ebbing
runs my heart ragged, and i’m’ gasping in the shadows

they both sleep in tandem, hands clasped tight
one burgeoning with new life, the other fighting for her life

his tiny mouth gurgles as he sleep content,
her face smoothed of pain when his hand is in hers

and I open my eyes to see her there,
she’s got him in her sights and she’s smitten

it was never supposed to be like this

and how can I have joy in his life
when I know that life can come to this

How can I speak joy and let the laughter bubble
when my heart is constricted in fear and unknown

How can I breathe that same life into him
that she had given her life breathes to speak to my heart

How am I supposed to keep my heart beating
when it lays outside of me in these two pieces

it was never supposed to be like this

Her eyes seek mine in the room that is our sanctuary
I see her breathing deep, her eyes radiate warm

she doesn’t speak for it takes too much from her
but I know the words she’s saying, they beat in my heart

and at night, I hold him close
feel my life blood filling him to overflowing

and know that redemption comes in many forms
in life-giving and in new life receiving

sometimes the sunsets on this earthly body
and sometimes the squalls of a wee babe re-wake life anew

 

but…it was never meant to be this way.

 

 

 

by Janel Andrews written July 11/2014

 

Dead Wood

tree-17708_640

The wind
grasping

creaks my bones
and the depths
shudder

my roots run deep
but water
hope
life

have disappeared

underground.

 

I used to
offer shade from element
lifeblood share
gasp beauty

but gasping

is all I have

as the limbs
stand bare
sun bleached
raw from wounding

and the ache

of deadwood

cuts me raw

 

my heart beating
my soul seeking

my heart bleeding
my soul screaming

 

limbs have been lost
crashing down
leaving wound marks
just another notch
of days gone by

unyielding
without life
without dew drop
without sap

without fruit

 

the branches
continue to raise up
even in their brokenness
they seek life
which comes from above

though
the leaves have not sprung
in aged time

a remnant remains
casting a shadow
downward
but casting the eye
upward

 

hope glimmers
in a mysterious ray
dancing
in
peripheral vision

and I feel a heartbeat.

 

 

written by Janel Andrews

July 8/2014

in response to this post by Elora Ramirez

Fragments 2

waldsterben-60276_1280

Fragmented Poem 2

The dream comes to me
in stop motion sequence
and I press my face
close to the glass,
wanting to enter in

Time stretches in the silence
as I fiddle with volume control
and seek to find the power switch
to let me in, to stop the waiting
to know the next steps

There is a
replaying of old memories
as I seek to find the answer
for why the paper lays barren
as the madness spreads
and smears it ink-black, wordless

I won’t pretend for a moment
that any twinkle of lights
fill the dark corners with peace
because the light flickers slow
and my eyes are mesmerized
the blinking leaves me blind.

In this black and white world
how I long for your colours
saturating my knowledge with truth
letting the glimpses fill me with hope
but I’m grasping at words that lead to you

I fear the weakening of my words
that all that is revealed
won’t tell the whole story
but just pieces and you’ll miss
the complexity of my journey

My life laid bare
full scale rawness in spewing
swaying the pictures this way and that
looking for the negative
so that I can blur out the positive

My fingers scratch blindly
seeking for a way up, way out
memories of whispers echo
and I vaguely recollect
the right words at the wrong time

And I’ve sat down here
in the midst of the path
cause I’m weary of walking
and the stones trip me up
where are the words said in hope?

Like a wood nymph
you seem unreachable, unfathomable
to be glimpsed but unknown
but this is how you seen
and I want to know you in every way

To have you heal blind eyes
 to show me things I haven’t seen
breathe life into weary lungs
give light to the darkened path
words to alight my lips once gain

When your voice seems silent
often we fill the blanks with our imagination
twisting and turning in the lies
conjured by our own broken minds
spoken with our weary voices

But there is a
step by step to intimacy
and
as a wounded bird
I’m flittering to and fro
eyes glittering in distrust

I’ve been wounded,
the pain slips deep
and there is
anarchy in this truthfulness
rising up to show me light

Because when my mind is so consumed
with finding my own path
with trying to see beyond my limits
I can’t distinguish between faces and masks
and my heart is easily swayed

The truth is
when I’ve strung the bits and pieces together
I don’t want to find my way out of you
because the truth breathed in
the dream rekindled

Opens my eyes to more of YOU.

 

By Janel Andrews written April 26/2014

Fragments borrowed from Purloined Letter on Twitter.